Why a Year-Long Hiatus Led to Self-Discovery and My Debut Novel
Hitting Rock Bottom: When Life Felt Like It Was Falling Apart
By the end of 2023, my mental health was a one out of 10. Out of the closet for two
years—feeling so liberated—yet I still felt deeply disconnected from my truest self. Pushing 220
pounds, I was at my highest weight ever—the former athlete and long-distance runner in me
waving goodbye from afar. My contract proofreading job was coming to an end, and living
paycheck to paycheck at 38 felt humiliating—especially since I had been a successful
advertising executive for most of my career.
And, much to my chagrin, each night, I found comfort in an oversized bottle of wine—numbing
my emotions of sadness and despair just to make it to the next day.
Yet, despite all this, I was still swiping left and right on those damn dating apps.
The Harsh Truth: I Didn’t Love Myself
But it was all superficial bullshit. I knew the truth—I didn’t love myself. And deep down, I
understood that if I didn’t love myself, how could I possibly love someone else?
That realization hit me like a freight train. No relationship, no casual fling, no romantic distraction
was going to fix the emptiness I felt inside. I had spent years searching for validation through
others, but it was never enough. Something had to change.
The Year-Long Dating Detox: Choosing Myself Over Love
That was my wake-up call. Call me crazy, but I chose to take a self-imposed, year-long break
from dating—not to mend a broken heart or move on from someone else, but to reconnect with
myself. I had drifted further and further from my authentic self, and I knew I needed a reset.
So, I did something radical: I committed to a dating detox and poured my energy into the one
thing that had always been mine—writing. What started as a personal experiment in self-discovery became the spark that reignited my greatest dream: becoming an author and telling
stories about introspection and transformation.
The Accidental Birth of a Fictional Memoir
On a random, frigid evening in February 2024, I sat down at my laptop—PJs on, a glass of wine
in hand—and started typing, nothing too purposeful. The rhythmic clicks of the keyboard
soothed me like a familiar melody. I had no direction, no plot structure, no character
profiles—just an urge to write.
The first scene I wrote? The sex scene between Reilly and Alexis. More specifically, the
emotional aftermath—Reilly laying there, hollow and used, realizing she’s nothing more than an
object in her situationship with Alexis.
Looking back, I can see the irony. That passage wasn’t just about Reilly—it was about me. Her
emotions, her struggles, and her search for meaning mirrored exactly what I had felt in the wake
of my last relationship.
As the words continued to pour out over the following days and weeks, I had a realization:
Reilly’s journey was unfolding just like my own. Her personality, her past experiences, even her
choices in the present—all of it felt intimately familiar. And then it hit me. I’m Reilly, and Reilly is
me.
At the time, I had no idea what a “fictional memoir” was. I wasn’t even sure what I was writing.
Was this just a personal journal, a way to process my own heartbreak, make sense of my life,
and map out my future? Or was Reilly’s story something more—a narrative that could resonate
with others, that could inspire?
I chose to believe in the latter. So I kept going, trusting that I had something worth sharing with
the world. The book wouldn’t get its title for months, but 365 Days of Becoming had already
begun.
Breaking Free from Dating: How Taking a Hiatus Transformed My Life
Like Reilly, I embraced singlehood with a sense of purpose and possibility. Stepping away from
the cycle of mindless swiping and fleeting validation was a relief—it freed up mental and
emotional space for what truly mattered. Instead of chasing external affirmation, I focused
inward, and here’s what I accomplished:
Lost 40 pounds and prioritized my health
Reevaluated my relationship with alcohol (a journey that’s still evolving)
Confronted and processed old emotional wounds, realizing they were part of my life’s story for a reason
Came to terms with the role every person has played in my life, even those who caused pain
Strengthened my relationship with my son and became more present in our time together
Took a more active role in my disabled brother’s life, deepening our bond
Explored spirituality—delving into reincarnation, soulmates, the afterlife, and spirit guides
Achieved a lifelong dream: I wrote my first book
Of course, not every moment was a triumph. There was a particularly dark period—one so
pivotal that I’m considering weaving it into the sequel (coming late 2025). But in the grand
scheme, choosing to focus on myself, after years of prioritizing others, was the most
important decision I could have made.
The truth is, it’s never too late to embark on your own journey of self-reflection and discovery.
And if there’s one thing I hope my readers take away, it’s this: The most profound
transformations happen when we finally choose ourselves.
Tips for an Informal, Intuitive Approach to Personal Transformation
If you’re feeling the pull to embark on your own transformational journey, know this—it doesn’t
have to start with a formal roadmap, a therapy appointment, or a perfectly outlined plan. Like
Reilly, and even myself, you can take the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach and still
experience profound growth.
Try taking a solo trip to clear your mind and reconnect with yourself. Revisit old emotional
wounds, not to dwell, but to understand how they’ve shaped you—and how they no longer have
to define you. Reflect on the patterns in your life, the choices you’ve made, and the ways your
past still echoes in your present. Pay attention to those aha moments when life teaches you
something in real-time. Dive into books that challenge your perspective. Try something
new—whether it’s a hobby, a morning ritual, or simply the way you talk to yourself.
Most importantly, trust that self-discovery doesn’t have a deadline. It unfolds in the quiet
moments, the unexpected realizations, and the small but powerful choices you make every day.
You don’t need all the answers right now—you just need the willingness to look inward and the
courage to embrace whatever you find. Because when you do, you’ll realize that becoming isn’t
about finding a new version of yourself. It’s about uncovering the one who’s been there all
along. And the best part? The journey of becoming never truly ends—there’s always more to
learn, more to explore, and more of yourself to discover.
